Jessica Fulk’s Midnight Meltdown: Joe Burrow’s Mansion Has Me Reconsidering My Career PathFrom “Holy Cow” to “Where Did I Go Wrong?”: Seriously, Where is Joe Burrows House and Can I Move In?
[Deep sigh] Okay, it’s… I don’t even know what time it is. Too late. Or too early. Whatever. It’s Jessica. Again. Can’t sleep. Joe Burrow’s house. It’s haunting me.
NFL Money is Just… I Can’t Even
So, this Burrow kid. $7.5 million on a house. A HOUSE. I’ve been selling houses for… how long? Doesn’t matter. Never seen anything like it. 7,300 square feet? What’s he doing in there, hosting the Super Bowl? I mean, we’ve got some nice Kansas City luxury homes but… man. Maybe I should’ve learned to throw a football instead of selling houses. Is it too late for a career change?
KC’s Cool Too, Right? …Right?
[Sound of papers shuffling] Where was I? Oh yeah. KC. We’re cool too. Like, gated communities in Leawood KS. That’s fancy. Not 7.5-million-dollars fancy, but… fancy. God, I need sleep. And we’ve got stuff to do! Like… um… [long pause] oh! Things to do in Parkville MO. Take that, Burrow! Bet your mansion doesn’t have a Parkville nearby. Although for 7.5 mil, maybe it should.
Money, Money, Money… I Need More Coffee
You know what’s really baking my noodle? That Franklin Ray Michigan scam thing. 40 million bucks! And here I am, excited about a successful open house. Maybe I’m in the wrong business. No, that’s the lack of sleep talking. Right?
What Am I Even Doing Anymore?
Look, here’s the deal. Joe Burrow’s house is… it’s… I don’t even know. But KC’s still great. We’ve got houses. Nice ones. You don’t need to be an NFL star to live here. Just… moderately wealthy. Or very wealthy. Or willing to live in a shoebox. I’ve got options, people! I should sleep. Or look at more listings. Same thing at this point, right? If you need me, I’ll be here. Trying to figure out how many houses I need to sell to afford a house like Burrow’s. Or maybe I’ll just start a GoFundMe. “Help local realtor achieve NFL player housing dreams.” That’ll work, right? Now, where did I put that football…? [Muffled thud, possibly head hitting desk]
